Some of my favourite quotes...

I think my work space/s are missing quotes. Inspirational quotes to motivate me during my monthly freak outs. The problem is I find a lot of quotes cheesy to too serious. Come with me on an adventure on google to find a nice quote...

Quote one: I like this one as my mother is always going on about phones...

“I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies:
1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
2. Anything that's invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.”

Quote two: From the book Goodnight stories for Rebel girls. I just love cake  too. 

 

Quote three: one of my favourites because her words are being remembered...

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 
― Maya Angelou

Quote four: this is just true 

We accept the love we think we deserve.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Quote five: oh I think I like this one

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.-Zig Ziglar

PhD parent: guilt

Mother's guilt

To be honest it isn't something that I experienced before I started my research. I started when my daughter was four and my son was two. I've always felt as though I am doing my best to be the best mum that I can be. Sure we get a lot of (much appreciated) help from their grandparents, but I've always justified that as being good for the kids and our parents. 

But this year, I don't feel as though I am putting in sufficient mum hours. I can often be found on a laptop, distracted. I find it easier to assess some participants on the weekends. Some weeks I feel like I barely get to have a conversation with my kids that isn't "have you done your homework?" "where are your shoes" "brush your hair" "what do you want for dinner?".

This is my dream and when it is going well it seems like it is worth it. But doing those bad weeks I feel like I am wasting their childhoods. They're only little once, after all.

Every year I try to make sure that we go on holidays for at least two weeks, to spend time together as a family. And I try to get to school events when I can. But I'm not exactly a part of the P&C. 

I'm trying. 

Writing every day

Look at the cute puppy - our cavoodle Chester

"Just know everything." - My high school chemistry teacher. 

At this point in time, the easiest option would be to just sit down and read for a month straight - or as long as it takes to just know everything about what I am doing.
Being a part time PhD student is really taking it's toll on me this year. I'm finding it harder to stay on track, keep things in my mind and switch between my clinical job and research. Not to mention parenting and dealing with my rheumatoid arthritis and all the joys that come with that.

I've been recruiting this year, and I like to think that I'm good with people, but I have to say that the drop out rate this month has been beyond disheartening. I've had some highs and lows this year and the unpredictable nature of the next low keeps me up some nights.
I've made some big changes to my project in the last month. I've spoken to another statistician who has encouraged me to frame my research project as an exploratory study. Instead of testing a hypothesis I am developing one. Which makes sense to me.
With every month that passes I am learning more. Sometimes growing in confidence, sometimes being swallowed by anxiety. Sometimes I hear myself saying something and think *ooo that sounded clever*, other times I am a deer in the headlights, red hot with embarrassment and positive I am only capable of speaking nonsense.

I'm applying to take long service from my clinical job to focus on my research. I'm not sure what will happen next.