PhD parent: guilt

Mother's guilt

To be honest it isn't something that I experienced before I started my research. I started when my daughter was four and my son was two. I've always felt as though I am doing my best to be the best mum that I can be. Sure we get a lot of (much appreciated) help from their grandparents, but I've always justified that as being good for the kids and our parents. 

But this year, I don't feel as though I am putting in sufficient mum hours. I can often be found on a laptop, distracted. I find it easier to assess some participants on the weekends. Some weeks I feel like I barely get to have a conversation with my kids that isn't "have you done your homework?" "where are your shoes" "brush your hair" "what do you want for dinner?".

This is my dream and when it is going well it seems like it is worth it. But doing those bad weeks I feel like I am wasting their childhoods. They're only little once, after all.

Every year I try to make sure that we go on holidays for at least two weeks, to spend time together as a family. And I try to get to school events when I can. But I'm not exactly a part of the P&C. 

I'm trying.