Writing every day

Look at the cute puppy - our cavoodle Chester

"Just know everything." - My high school chemistry teacher. 

At this point in time, the easiest option would be to just sit down and read for a month straight - or as long as it takes to just know everything about what I am doing.
Being a part time PhD student is really taking it's toll on me this year. I'm finding it harder to stay on track, keep things in my mind and switch between my clinical job and research. Not to mention parenting and dealing with my rheumatoid arthritis and all the joys that come with that.

I've been recruiting this year, and I like to think that I'm good with people, but I have to say that the drop out rate this month has been beyond disheartening. I've had some highs and lows this year and the unpredictable nature of the next low keeps me up some nights.
I've made some big changes to my project in the last month. I've spoken to another statistician who has encouraged me to frame my research project as an exploratory study. Instead of testing a hypothesis I am developing one. Which makes sense to me.
With every month that passes I am learning more. Sometimes growing in confidence, sometimes being swallowed by anxiety. Sometimes I hear myself saying something and think *ooo that sounded clever*, other times I am a deer in the headlights, red hot with embarrassment and positive I am only capable of speaking nonsense.

I'm applying to take long service from my clinical job to focus on my research. I'm not sure what will happen next.